


False Alarm

by thisbluespirit



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: 500 prompts, Community: 100fandoms, Crossover, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-02-07 10:48:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21456799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisbluespirit/pseuds/thisbluespirit
Summary: “There was a big yellow button.  Who can resist a big yellow button?”
Comments: 17
Kudos: 30
Collections: The 100 Multifandom Challenge





	False Alarm

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dbskyler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dbskyler/gifts).

> For dbskyler in the [500 Prompts Meme](http://lost-spook.dreamwidth.org/291842.html): #97. Approaching doom - Eleventh Doctor & Kathryn Janeway (DW/Voyager). Also for the 100fandoms prompt #17 "wreck".

The rackety shuttle shuddered violently. Janeway gritted her teeth, hanging on to the nearest piece of hardware. This rustbucket was nothing like Voyager and she was uncomfortably sure that it wasn’t only unsteady, it was literally starting to fall apart.

The vehicle’s long-defunct comms system crackled into life and she lifted her head, biting back exasperation as a now-familiar voice could be heard from the speakers. “Kathryn? You there? Hello! Thought I’d better let you know I might have made the situation a teensy bit worse. Sorry about that. Well, depending on how you look at it. If you always wanted to meet a reanimated alien with a god complex, I’ve just made your day. Me, I’ve met way too many of those already.”

Janeway put her hand to her head, before drawing herself up and crossing to the speaker. She examined it until she found a button to the side. Pressing it produced a few new crackles and screeches. She leant forward to speak into it. “Doctor? Can you hear me?”

“Yes! Loud and clear! Well, not that clear, you’re a bit crackly, but loud. Very loud. Maybe I should adjust the volume…”

Janeway refrained from rolling her eyes, but only because there wasn’t time. “Never mind the settings, what the hell did you do?”

“There was a big yellow button,” said the Doctor. “A glowy, big yellow button. I mean, who can resist a big yellow button?”

“Not you, I take it? Go figure.” 

The Doctor continued, as if he hadn’t heard her. “And it was yellow. Not red. Red buttons are supposed to be the bad ones. I thought it might switch the main power back on. Oops?”

“Okay, forget the button,” said Janeway. “Did you say a reanimated alien corpse with a god complex? Can we reason with it?”

“I haven’t asked, but its first words were ‘Greetings, puny mortal, bow down and worship me’ and in my experience things rarely get better after that.”

Janeway sighed. “Okay. You see if you can find a way to reverse whatever it was you did; I’ll try to reason with the walking ego. I don’t suppose it’ll be too hard to find.”

“Already trying to reverse the polarity, but it’s being a bit awkward. Oh, and, by the way, it’s heading towards you. Good luck.”

Janeway closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, and then froze as she heard harsh, heavy breathing behind her.

“Turn, mortal,” said a grating voice from somewhere above her. “Look on me and tremble! Your doom is upon you.”

The Doctor didn’t seem to have picked that up; he was still busy talking to her over the intercom. “Of course,” he was saying, “I could set off the self-destruct sequence but there’s an obvious drawback to that plan. I expect you’ll spot it at once.”

Janeway swung around and then took a sharp step back as she found herself staring up at a seven foot green insectoid alien. She pressed herself up close to the speaker. “Doctor! Just do it!”

“A bluff, you think?” the Doctor. “Cunning. I’m not sure if I approve or not.”

“Not a bluff! _Do it_!”

“No need to shout,” said the Doctor and there was a click and another crackle and his voice cut out. Moments later an alarm started blaring while an automated voice began counting down from 500 in measured, even tones, interspersed with equally reasonably-voiced advice to evacuate the shuttle.

Janeway turned her attention back to the would-be god. “I take it you understand what that is? How about we start negotiating who has to die when? Otherwise, we’ll all go up together.”

“You lie. You would not dare!”

Janeway shrugged. “Try me. I’ve had a very bad day and this shuttle isn’t going to hold out much longer. So if I’m going to die anyway, I might as well take the nearest megalomaniac with me.”

“Mortal,” hissed the god, “order your friend to stop the destruction! Or I shall kill you now!”

It was always hard to negotiate with creatures that didn’t seem big on basic comprehension. “Go right ahead. Kill me and you’ll still die. The Doctor won’t stop that countdown without my orders.” She crossed her fingers behind her back. Oh, for reliable crew members who did what their captain told them. At least, most of the time.

“I think he will!”

Janeway raised her chin. “I’m the captain. I give the orders around here. How about you try explaining who you are and what you want like a civilised being? Maybe then we can help each other off this glorified tin-can.”

“You disrespect our royal vessel?”

Janeway held up a hand. “My apologies. It’s just got a little rusty over the last millennium, that’s all, and it’s not going to last much longer. The Doctor and I may be able to fix it with a some help from you. If you spare us, that is.”

“You are technicians?”

“Yes.”

The creature drew back and then lunged forward, a claw hitting the wall beside her, pinning her in place. “Then I shall extract the necessary knowledge from your pitiful little mind and destroy you!”

“Good luck on doing that before this ship blows,” said Janeway, and closed her eyes, waiting for the worst.

Instead, there was a high-pitched sound from somewhere that caused her to put her hands over her ears in pain, and when it stopped and she dared to look up, the creature had gone. The Doctor was standing in front of her, brandishing an elaborate screwdriver in one hand, and liberally splattered with a stinking green goo.

“Like I said, it never ends well when they start out asking you to worship them,” said the Doctor. 

Janeway put up a hand to wipe something sticky from her face and found green gunk on her fingers. She grimaced. “Thanks, Doctor.”

“It took a while to get the right setting on the sonic,” he said. “Sorry about that, but the state this shuttle is in, the wrong one would have broken everything apart.”

Janeway strode past him. “We’d better turn off that self-destruct.”

“Don’t worry,” said the Doctor. “I did press it, like you said, but it’s broken. The alarms were the only bit that worked.”

Janeway followed him through the door to the next section. “We’ve still got to find a way off this crate.”

“I think,” said the Doctor, “I can get it to hold together long enough to get us back to your ship now we’ve got rid of the awkward passenger. How are you at steering?”

Janeway gave a short laugh, and wiped more alien blood from her face. “I’ll do my best.”

“Oh, well,” the Doctor said, and beamed at her, “in that case, we shall definitely be all right.”


End file.
